Apprentice: The Tale of Meren
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by Kate4Tanus » Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:35 am
Awww!!!! Little Baby Tanus!!! I love it so much Meren!!! That was such a great chapter! So descriptive and awesome! Amazing! I am in awe!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Kate4Tanus - Senior Member
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by Kate4Tanus » Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:26 am
Groovy! I can't wait!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Kate4Tanus - Senior Member
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by i_heart_nefie » Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:22 am
aww so cute! i love the whole red hair and green eyes that have been passed down through all the generations! I sense something very interesting coming up soon, please keep writing meren, and I'll keep reading!! Ps I love tanus!!
"I would very much like to come hunting with you please...." - Little Mem
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i_heart_nefie - Little Miss Vixen
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by Nefer » Sat Apr 29, 2006 7:44 pm
"If I ever ask anything of you it would be to please consider life with an open mind and respect the opinions and wishes of others as long as they bring no harm to you and as long as you bring no harm or corruption to others."
~ Jason Mraz
~ Jason Mraz
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Nefer - Geek in the Pink
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by Rivaan » Tue May 02, 2006 10:03 am
I almost have the next chapter for you guys, lol. Sorry about the wait. But the one after this one will be nice and easy so there shouldn't be too long to wait for it!
*Edited and chapter removed. I think I can make it better, lol*
*Edited and chapter removed. I think I can make it better, lol*
Last edited by Rivaan on Tue May 02, 2006 10:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Rivaan - Senior Member
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by Rivaan » Tue May 02, 2006 10:50 am
Hmm you're right.. It bothered me too, once I had posted it. Thanks for the criticism though! It helped me make up my mind about retracting the chapter, lol. I hadn't decided to do it yet and came back to read over it once more, when I had seen your comment I will edit it a bit more to what I think it should be and the chapter after it will still be done soon.
I will edit it a bit more to what I think it should be and the chapter after it will still be done soon.-
Rivaan - Senior Member
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by Rivaan » Tue May 02, 2006 11:15 am
Really. Thanks for your post, Bee! I am much happier with the chapter now. After all, not everything can go happily. There has to be some troubles, lol. I have left the first part of it gruesome, so I would read after that part for the change.
"We will have our Egypt back!"
The end of the enthusiastic speech brought on cheers from the crowded building in Avaris. Kamenwati stepped down from the small podium and took a glass of sherbert offered to him by a passing refresher woman. His resolve had grown and his features hardened in the months, leading the priests of Seth. It was nightfall and he left the room, heading to his own appointed sleeping quarters with two young women. They were average-looking, but it was their large sexual desire that made them attractive to him, and all that night the sounds of their simultaneous moanings could be heard several rooms over, until they were cut short in the morning.
Kamenwati left his room as the sun was coming up, leaving behind two fresh corpses, still in the throes of their climaxes when they met their end. He met his fellow brothers in the shade at the side of the house. They checked their belongings before mounting their horses and riding south, their destination: Upper Egypt. Their spies had informed them of the converting masses waiting in every town to join them in their cause. He smiled as he went over, in his mind, what would come to pass.
________________________________________________________________________
"Tanus..." They huddled around the newborn child, all four with smiles on their faces as Nefer repeated the name, the child in his arms. "Wasn't that the name of your old friend, one of the finest soldiers we had?"
"That and so much more." The door was closed and Taita went on, "That magnificent man.. He was your grandfather, Nefer." At this, the Pharoah looked at him with an astonished face. Taita had kept his promise of never revealing this fact to the late Pharoah Tamose, but he chose to lay the knowledge onto Nefer's shoulders instead.
"That can't be, Taita. My grandfather was Pharoah Mamose. Tanus was his best warrior."
Taita came closer to him, lowering his voice to keep any extra ears from hearing him. "Queen Lostris had loved Tanus long before she loved Mamose." After a short pause, he went on, "There is no point in questioning this, I was there when they commited the act which would later bring your father to this world." He turned his face as the memories of the event hit him hard and his ancient feelings of jealousy came back. The Magus had spent three whole days listening to the woman he loved most be pleasured by his best friend, but he knew it was right despite his feelings. Now he recapped many tales of Tanus' exploits, relating to Nefer the reputation of the revered akh-Horus as well as his deeds. When the confused Pharoah brought up questions of Mamose, Taita tactfully chose his words to portray the former king in a less shining light than the young man's true ancestor. In the early hours of the new day, Meren took over from Taita to explain to Nefer, as he had already been told the truth when in the company of the warlock while they lived together in the desert. He tried to explain it to his friend in terms more relateable to them both but, in the end, both the warlock and his young apprentice were asked to leave as the Pharoah felt he needed sleep now more than ever before. Mintaka had earlier given up some of the rich contents of her swollen breast to her baby and was already fast asleep on the bed, as Nefer lay beside his exhausted wife, along with his new son, and fell asleep. The three painted the perfect image of a family as they slept together on the bed, although Nefer was restless that night.
Once they were escorted to their own rooms, Taita and Meren spoke quietly to one another. "He will come around, don't worry."
"Maybe now wasn't the right time to tell him, Taita."
"But if not now, then when? Once I saw the child, I knew it was a sign to bring the matter to light. Tanus has reappeared once more to the side of Pharoah, this time as his heir, and I felt it was time. To refuse such a calling from the gods would have been perilous." Meren accepted this and lay on his side, facing the old man, changing the subject.
"How long left? Till you are by your mistress' side once more?"
"It will happen when the time is right. There is still much for me to teach you."
Meren slowly closed his eyes and thought of Merykara, as he occasionally did.
"It's ok. She would want you to move on, Meren. You cannot fixate on death in the past when you must look to life in the future." Meren opened his eyes and looked at Taita inquisitively.
"One of the many things I have yet to teach you. Soon you will also be able to stop me from catching these thoughts of yours." He flashed a mischeivous smile at his young companion.
"I look forward to that day" Meren snarled, amused.
"We will have our Egypt back!"
The end of the enthusiastic speech brought on cheers from the crowded building in Avaris. Kamenwati stepped down from the small podium and took a glass of sherbert offered to him by a passing refresher woman. His resolve had grown and his features hardened in the months, leading the priests of Seth. It was nightfall and he left the room, heading to his own appointed sleeping quarters with two young women. They were average-looking, but it was their large sexual desire that made them attractive to him, and all that night the sounds of their simultaneous moanings could be heard several rooms over, until they were cut short in the morning.
Kamenwati left his room as the sun was coming up, leaving behind two fresh corpses, still in the throes of their climaxes when they met their end. He met his fellow brothers in the shade at the side of the house. They checked their belongings before mounting their horses and riding south, their destination: Upper Egypt. Their spies had informed them of the converting masses waiting in every town to join them in their cause. He smiled as he went over, in his mind, what would come to pass.
________________________________________________________________________
"Tanus..." They huddled around the newborn child, all four with smiles on their faces as Nefer repeated the name, the child in his arms. "Wasn't that the name of your old friend, one of the finest soldiers we had?"
"That and so much more." The door was closed and Taita went on, "That magnificent man.. He was your grandfather, Nefer." At this, the Pharoah looked at him with an astonished face. Taita had kept his promise of never revealing this fact to the late Pharoah Tamose, but he chose to lay the knowledge onto Nefer's shoulders instead.
"That can't be, Taita. My grandfather was Pharoah Mamose. Tanus was his best warrior."
Taita came closer to him, lowering his voice to keep any extra ears from hearing him. "Queen Lostris had loved Tanus long before she loved Mamose." After a short pause, he went on, "There is no point in questioning this, I was there when they commited the act which would later bring your father to this world." He turned his face as the memories of the event hit him hard and his ancient feelings of jealousy came back. The Magus had spent three whole days listening to the woman he loved most be pleasured by his best friend, but he knew it was right despite his feelings. Now he recapped many tales of Tanus' exploits, relating to Nefer the reputation of the revered akh-Horus as well as his deeds. When the confused Pharoah brought up questions of Mamose, Taita tactfully chose his words to portray the former king in a less shining light than the young man's true ancestor. In the early hours of the new day, Meren took over from Taita to explain to Nefer, as he had already been told the truth when in the company of the warlock while they lived together in the desert. He tried to explain it to his friend in terms more relateable to them both but, in the end, both the warlock and his young apprentice were asked to leave as the Pharoah felt he needed sleep now more than ever before. Mintaka had earlier given up some of the rich contents of her swollen breast to her baby and was already fast asleep on the bed, as Nefer lay beside his exhausted wife, along with his new son, and fell asleep. The three painted the perfect image of a family as they slept together on the bed, although Nefer was restless that night.
Once they were escorted to their own rooms, Taita and Meren spoke quietly to one another. "He will come around, don't worry."
"Maybe now wasn't the right time to tell him, Taita."
"But if not now, then when? Once I saw the child, I knew it was a sign to bring the matter to light. Tanus has reappeared once more to the side of Pharoah, this time as his heir, and I felt it was time. To refuse such a calling from the gods would have been perilous." Meren accepted this and lay on his side, facing the old man, changing the subject.
"How long left? Till you are by your mistress' side once more?"
"It will happen when the time is right. There is still much for me to teach you."
Meren slowly closed his eyes and thought of Merykara, as he occasionally did.
"It's ok. She would want you to move on, Meren. You cannot fixate on death in the past when you must look to life in the future." Meren opened his eyes and looked at Taita inquisitively.
"One of the many things I have yet to teach you. Soon you will also be able to stop me from catching these thoughts of yours." He flashed a mischeivous smile at his young companion.
"I look forward to that day" Meren snarled, amused.
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Rivaan - Senior Member
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by Bee » Tue May 02, 2006 7:13 pm
Okay this one was better. I liked the cliffhanger of you not really knowing if Nefer is all right or not. I'm still a little disturbed about the whole Lostris and Taita thing, but other than that (minus the gruesomeness). This edit is good! Keep it up!
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Bee - Founder Member
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by Kate4Tanus » Wed May 03, 2006 1:39 am
What a sweet chapter! I really loved it! It was so sad about Lostris and Taita. He loved her so.... *sigh* Keep it up!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Kate4Tanus - Senior Member
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by Kate4Tanus » Tue May 09, 2006 1:25 am
Oh no! That is really sad Meren!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Kate4Tanus - Senior Member
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by i_heart_nefie » Tue May 09, 2006 2:42 am
NO! That isn't good! Maybe you'll get your ideas soon, Meren! I still like you hehe
I still like you hehe"I would very much like to come hunting with you please...." - Little Mem
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i_heart_nefie - Little Miss Vixen
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Re: Apprentice: The Tale of Meren
by aegyptus » Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:48 pm
good story, anyways I'm sure the writers block will pass.
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