clever sayings

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clever sayings

Postby annagram » Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:54 am

*IT MAY TAKE A MINUTE FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE, BUT SOME OF THESE ARE CLEVER!**



1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds



**2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do*



*3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage*



*4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with*



*5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate**



6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together i am a spammer cabinets*

*

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living*



*8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist*



*9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does**



10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money**



11. MISTY: How golfers create divots**



12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!**



13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower*



*14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm*



*15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with*



*16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!**



17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring*



*18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife*



*19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does*



*20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official*
annagram
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Re: clever sayings

Postby Matbow » Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:34 pm

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

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Re: clever sayings

Postby Nefer » Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:04 am

Enjoy camping :lol:
"If I ever ask anything of you it would be to please consider life with an open mind and respect the opinions and wishes of others as long as they bring no harm to you and as long as you bring no harm or corruption to others."
~ Jason Mraz
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Re: clever sayings

Postby E-Hoog » Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:55 am

Haha, that's like reading my mind:-)
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