The Uprising: A sequel to warlock

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The Uprising: A sequel to warlock

Postby i_heart_nefie » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:25 am

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the original WS characters and are not affiliated with WS or the publishers in any way.

OK guys the first fan fic is by myself and my friend Kate. We are writing a sequel to Warlock so we hope you guys enjoy our first chapter!

Taita smiled as little Tahirah Tale walked towards him shyly with a wilted flower clutched safely in her hand.
“Here Tata, it’s for you” she said.
He took it from her outstretched hand put it neatly behind his ear. She glowed with pride and ran back to her waiting sister.

Acenath Omorose was only 15 years old, but was a picture of beauty. She reminded Taita of his beloved Lady Lostris when she was the same age. She looked down to see her sister holding out a similar lifeless blossom. She gave a forced smile and surreptitiously slipped it into her pocket.

Taita then heard an excited voice from the other side of the courtyard yell, “Tata! Look what I found!”
He spun round to see young Jahari Mensah waving his arms above his head in order to get Taita’s attention.
Jahari was holding out a lapis lazuli earring that Taita immediately recognized.
“Where did you get that you little ruffian?” he scolded. He knew, like his grandfather before him, that Jahari loved this pet name.
“I found it, I did!” he replied, suddenly realizing his situation.
“Jahari Mensah!” exclaimed an angry voice from just outside the palace.
Jahari looked around guiltily. He saw his mother, Mintaka, striding towards him. Taita smiled, knowing that Mintaka was someone you did not want to anger. Mintaka noticed the little boy clutching the blue jewel tight to his chest. He stared up at her, terrified.
“And where did you find that?” she asked.
“Umm... it was... on the floor” he stuttered.
“You know perfectly well I was looking for that. You-“
She was cut off by a booming voice from behind her.
“Calm down, my darling. He is just a boy. You know I was just the same at his age” said Pharaoh Nefer Seti.
If there was one person that Jahari feared more than Mintaka, it was his father. The Pharaoh was indeed a formidable character.
Jahari held back tears as he looked up at his parents. He knew that he was in no situation to argue. He handed back the jewel to his mother and stepped back.

Mintaka ushered her two daughters into the palace, leaving Jahari alone with his father and Taita, awaiting his punishment.
Taita watched eagerly, and was reminded of another boy and his father in the same situation, many years before.
“I am dearly sorry, Father. I meant no harm” Jahari said apologetically.
“It is alright, my boy,” replied Nefer, “you were brave to challenge your Mother. Even I am not so bold.”
Taita smiled inwardly as he recalled the first fight the couple ever had. Nefer had lost that argument spectacularly.
Jahari smiled as he realized that he was in no real trouble.
“I think it is time for you to accompany me on the footplate of the Golden Chariot. You have proved you are man enough” he laughed.
Jahari could have jumped for joy at this unexpected invitation. It was indeed an honor to ride with his father, let alone the Pharaoh of this very Egypt.
***
Last edited by i_heart_nefie on Sat Apr 08, 2006 9:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Kate4Tanus » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:30 am

Please tell us what you think- we will be so excited over any reviews- good or bad! Thanks!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Postby Nefer » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:34 am

Waiting for more... :)

& I love the names you both came up with! Did you make them up?
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Postby Matbow » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:40 pm

I like it, please write more!
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Postby Bee » Fri Mar 31, 2006 5:45 pm

It's a good start! And hopefully you'll be posting up more soon. Can I make a suggestion? Maybe a touch bit more detail, ie. the surroundings, what the characters look like and so forth. Unless you're coming to that! :D Otherwise it's got me intrigued and I would like to know what's going to happen next.
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Postby Kate4Tanus » Sun Apr 02, 2006 2:32 am

Thankyou so much everyone for your absolutely amazing comments!!! We are so excited to continue! We will take everyone's opinions on board!
Thankyou!!

***
Jahari's curls blew in the wind, the red gold highlights shining in the sun. He was jeering at the chariot close behind them and shouting encouragement to his father who was standing next to him. Jahari looked from his place on the footplate and back at Taita. He could see the determination in his eyes. Taita wanted to win.
“You’ll never beat us Tata!” he cried.
Jahari knew that although Taita was older than anyone in this entire Egypt, he was a determined athlete and a suitable opponent for his own father. Taita's experience in charioteering served him well, as he gradually became level with the Pharaoh's chariot. Nefer immediately gained speed as he wanted to prove to his son as well as himself that he was just as skilled as his dear friend.
They sped for the finish line that they had drawn in the desert sand. Jahari was bursting with excitement. He dearly wanted to beat Taita. After all, he was the first Egyptian to drive a chariot.
Taita looked over at Jahari and saw the exhilaration gleaming in his emerald green eyes. Taita would teach him a lesson yet.
Nefer inched ahead. They got closer and closer to the finish line. When Nefer was a chariot length ahead of Taita, he turned to gloat at the old man. This was a costly mistake. The Pharaoh’s chariot hit a rocky area and veered dramatically off course.

Taita was deeply concerned for the pharaoh and his young companion, but he instinctively rode on and crossed the finish line first. He jumped down from the dusty footplate and hurried over to where his former opponent was in need of assistance. Nefer had been able to avoid overturning his chariot, but in doing so caused the front wheel to smash. Nefer was lying on the ground, laughing so hard tears came to his eyes. Jahari was rolling around next to him cackling without restraint. They stopped as soon as Taita glared at them sternly. Nefer looked like a little boy when he looked up at Taita apologetically.
“As long as you are finished this little episode, I believe that it is time for the Prince to return home.” he said with a hard voice. When Taita was like this even Nefer dared not to disobey him.
“Quite right” he said in a commanding tone, causing the little boy to resume his giggling fit.

Nefer stood up, tyring to regain the authority that he had lost to Taita. He looked around for the pieces of smashed wheel on the hot desert sand and caught a glimpse of a tall figure on the horizon. At first he thought it must be one of his guards, rushing to tell him of some urgent news, but he soon realised that this man was not dressed as one of his officials. Nefer pointed this figure out to Taita, which proved unhelpful as the old man's senses were sharper than the Pharaoh's.
“Who is it Father?” asked Jahari, pulling on the King’s arm.
“Taita?” asked Nefer, knowing that the Magus would know who it was. The harsh light of the sun on the rolling dunes of the desert could not distract Taita’s keen eyes.
Taita just smiled. “You will see” was all that he said.
Nefer waited, staring at the approaching figure. Suddenly he recognised the person walking towards him. With a whoop, he sped towards the man. Nefer stared at him for a moment before throwing his arms around the man.
“Meren!”
***
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Postby Matbow » Sun Apr 02, 2006 11:56 am

Hey, thanks for posting more! I have a suggestion...what you've written so far is good, but doesn't feel like the start of a book, more like a few chapters in. I think you need to work on "setting the scene" before jumping straight into the action.

Keep up the good work!
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Postby Nefer » Sun Apr 02, 2006 1:40 pm

I'm curious to know what happens next - want more! :mrgreen:

Keep at it girls :)
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Postby Kate4Tanus » Mon Apr 03, 2006 2:03 am

Thank you so much! We really try as much as we can to be descriptive, but for those who have read Warlock and River God, know it all already. Thats us! We don't want to repeat info and bore people- but I agree! It would sound way better with more description!
Thank you again everyone and you have no idea how much we appreciate your comments!
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Postby i_heart_nefie » Mon Apr 03, 2006 2:59 am

hey guys isnt writing fun? hehe thanks for the feedback! :razz:
"I would very much like to come hunting with you please...." - Little Mem
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Postby Bee » Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:13 pm

Hey! Good continuation and definetly want to read more... it's still lacking some description so keep working at it! Can't wait for the next installment!
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Postby Nefer » Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:24 pm

i_heart_nefie wrote:hey guys isnt writing fun? h


The funnest! I love writing! :twisted:
"If I ever ask anything of you it would be to please consider life with an open mind and respect the opinions and wishes of others as long as they bring no harm to you and as long as you bring no harm or corruption to others."
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Postby Kate4Tanus » Thu Apr 06, 2006 8:09 pm

Thankyou so much everyone for your comments- they really keep us going. Thanks! Ok, here we go- next instalment!

***
The Palace of Memnon sat on the west bank of the Nile, overlooking the wondrous city of Thebes. It‘s dazzling beauty struck awe into the hearts of the populace. It was most beautiful at dawn, for when the sunlight touched it, it was as if Ra himself had sculpted it from pure gold. It was surrounded by luscious gardens, filled with enormous fruit trees, so plentiful that they weighed down the branches.

The interior of this palace was equally spectacular. Taita‘s murals covered the walls and beautifully hand-crafted furniture filled the spacious rooms. Mintaka sat on colourful silk cushions with her two beautiful daughters, indulging in a game of Senet.

Mintaka studied her youngest daughter and saw an image of herself when she was of the same age. Except her eyes. Tahirah’s sparkling green eyes resembled those of her father. Like her mother, her features were not traditionally beautiful, but her face glowed with youthful innocence. She attracted others with her free spirit and kind nature. She wore her long, dark hair tucked behind one ear.

Mintaka’s eldest on the other hand, had inherited her fine beauty from her great-grandmother, Queen Lostris. She had the mysterious, honey-brown eyes of Mintaka. Acenath’s lustrous ebony hair was cut in the short bob of womanhood. She had a curvaceous body and already received many a glance from the opposite sex.

Mintaka was interrupted from these thoughts by an excited shout from the courtyard. Intrigued, she jumped up and raced towards the voices, leaving her girls behind.

She sauntered into the afternoon light to find her husband, her son, Taita and a stranger standing before her. She was startled when she found herself in the embrace of the strange man.

Bewildered, she hastily pulled away and looked questioningly at Nefer.
He simply smiled at her. “Can you not see who it is?” he asked her.
Only when Mintaka looked into the man’s eyes did she recognise him.
“Meren?” she asked.
“Mintaka! It has been so long. You look as lovely as ever!”
“Can you believe it?” exclaimed Nefer, his voice filled with joy.
Mintaka looked concernedly at her old friend. “What happened to you? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” she asked worriedly. Meren waved her concerns away.
“I am fine! It is you and Nefer I would like to hear about!”
At that moment, the princesses entered the courtyard.
“Girls, there is someone I would like you to meet. This is your Uncle Meren” said Nefer.

Young Tahirah approached Meren with caution. He knelt down to her height and smiled at her kindly.
“And who might you be?” he asked her.
“I am Tahirah, Uncle Meren” she said bashfully and rushed into his arms.

Meren’s gaze then fell upon the other princess.
“Who is this lovely young woman?” he asked.
Acenath felt her cheeks burning as she looked up at the handsome man before her. She covered her confusion with a curtsy.
“My name is Acenath, sir. I am pleased to meet you” she said shyly.
“Why that is a lovely name for such a lovely girl” he said, making her blush even more profusely.

Mintaka looked at the expression on her daughters face and realised this was going to be an eventful visit indeed.
***
'You were ever more than a tutor to me,' Memnon answered softly. 'You where the father I never knew.'
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Postby Matbow » Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:02 pm

Best installment yet...
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Postby Bee » Sat Apr 08, 2006 1:59 pm

Matbow wrote:Best installment yet...


Like he said. I agree... keep it up!
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Postby i_heart_nefie » Sat Apr 08, 2006 9:51 pm

thanks guys!
"I would very much like to come hunting with you please...." - Little Mem
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Postby Kate4Tanus » Sat Apr 08, 2006 10:11 pm

yeah! thankyou so much! Your comments really keep us going!
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Postby Bee » Sun Apr 09, 2006 7:14 pm

As a minimum part-time writer I know that it's the reviewers that keep you going. So keep it up!
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Postby Nefer » Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:47 pm

Bee wrote:As a minimum part-time writer


that's a seriously good & funny way to describe it! :lol: :lol:

Having said that... nice chapter guys! I'm SO glad you've brought back Meren, I like him a heck of a lot more than I like Nefer (go figure eh?)
"If I ever ask anything of you it would be to please consider life with an open mind and respect the opinions and wishes of others as long as they bring no harm to you and as long as you bring no harm or corruption to others."
~ Jason Mraz
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Postby i_heart_nefie » Thu Apr 13, 2006 10:18 pm

hehe i love meren too......
"I would very much like to come hunting with you please...." - Little Mem
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